Rosalind Gow

I went to a Pilates class the other day, my first one in years. Towards the end, our instructor got us to practise some mindfulness by doing some belly breathing. This, she said, would reduce our cortisol levels. I immediately thought of the primitive brain and the fight, flight, freeze instinct, just two of the many interesting nuggets I talk to my clients about during their Initial Consultation.

In the world of Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, we show you how to focus on the present instead of looking back at the past with regret or negatively forecasting the future. For instance, when you’re lying in bed at 1:00 AM, going over an awkward or embarrassing conversation from years ago. Or spiralling into a “what if” panic about a meeting next week.

The Cortisol Trap

Our primitive brain’s main job is to protect us and keep us alive but unfortunately, it can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality. So, whether we dwell on past regrets or worry about future unknowns, it responds in the same way. It pumps out cortisol, the main stress hormone, whether it’s a real threat or a mere thought.

And that’s not good if we do it too much, or if we suffer from chronic anxiety or stress. This is because high levels of cortisol in our system cause a whole host of issues.  If we don’t control it, too much cortisol keeps us in a state of high alert. We end up with symptoms such as difficulty falling asleep, waking up around 3am and feeling on edge all the time. Or irritability, fatigue and muscle aches.  Even weight gain, high blood pressure and more. As you can see, a whole lot of health issues we could do without.

Here is a short article about stress, chronic stress and cortisol that you may find interesting.

The good news is, you have the power to change the way you think by rewiring your brain!

Breaking the Cycle

The solution is to focus on shifting your attention to the here and now. Here’s why being in the present moment is so important:

• Obviously, you can’t change what’s already happened. But you can change how much time and energy you spend thinking about it. Looking back and revisiting past events often leads to feelings of guilt or shame, neither of which is good for us.
• When you negatively forecast the future, you’re essentially conjuring up problems that don’t even exist.
• The present is the only place where you actually have control. When you focus on small, positive steps in the present moment, you signal to your brain that you are safe.

How Hypnotherapy Helps

In our sessions, we don’t spend hours dissecting and analysing the past. Instead, we talk about those small steps you can take in the here and now to bring about the life you want for yourself. We also use trance, a state of focused relaxation, to help your intellectual brain take the steering wheel back from your primitive, emotional brain. You get back in the driver’s seat, if you will.

This process helps lower your baseline cortisol levels and trains your mind to respond to life in a more solution focused way. You won’t dwell on past issues or worry about the future as much. And you’ll find you notice the small wins from the present more than you did before.

Ready to Shift Your Focus?

You don’t have to stay stuck in the “if onlys” or the “what ifs”. Solution Focused Hypnotherapy is a collaborative, uplifting process designed to help you regain control of your life, start enjoying the life you’re living right now or even plan for a better one.

Take the first step toward a calmer, more present you. If you have any questions or would just like to have a chat because this resonates with you, drop me an email me here to see how Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and I can help you too.

Recently, I’ve heard quite a few people describe how they keep waking up at night, often several times a night. Unfortunately, lots of people experience disturbed sleep and insomnia. Conventional wisdom says adults should get eight hours of sleep every night, but these days, not many of us do. No doubt, you’ve heard about how important a good night’s sleep is, but do you know why?

Sleep is obviously important because we feel tired after a day’s work and/or ferrying kids around to their various activities and/or looking after ageing parents. It’s a full on day and getting enough sleep is vital since it’s mostly how we rest, not only our body, but our mind as well. It’s when our body repairs itself from minor injuries. It also plays a very important part in how we feel. Not just whether we feel refreshed or groggy, but the amount of sleep we get affects our mood and our outlook on life as well.

The Four Stages of Sleep

There are four different stages of sleep which we cycle between during the course of the night. First, we go into a light sleep, Stage 1, from which we can be roused quite easily. Then, we move into Stage 2, a slightly deeper sleep when our breathing slows down, our muscles relax and our body temperature drops. We spend most of our sleep time in Stage 2. Next, we move into Stage 3, a deep, restorative sleep when the body is in repair mode and it’s more difficult to wake someone up.

REM

Stage 4, also known as REM, or Rapid Eye Movement, is when we dream. We can see someone’s eyeballs moving around under their eyelids, hence the term. The brain is very active during REM sleep and the muscles of the body are temporarily paralysed. This is so we don’t act out our dreams while we’re asleep. That’s probably a good thing if you consider how crazy some of our dreams are!

Sleep Paralysis

As a side note, there’s a curious thing called sleep paralysis. This is when your muscles are, indeed, paralysed but your brain is fully awake. Obviously, this can be quite scary if you don’t know what it is but fortunately, it’s not that common. About 30% of people experience it and it may only happen once in a lifetime, or it may occur more often. It happens when you move between REM and another stage of sleep.

I experienced this myself years ago and it felt like I was trapped in my body for a few minutes when I was having a nap one  afternoon. I had to get up and go somewhere, but no one could wake me up. And even though I could hear them talking to me, I couldn’t reply or even open my eyes. It was pretty alarming at the time and I can remember it quite clearly years later!

Back to REM

This is when we process the events of the day. Essentially, the brain removes any negative emotion that may be attached to something that happened during the day. Unfortunately, REM only occupies about 20% of our sleep patterns and we get most of it towards the end of the night. This means that if we only get, say, five or six hours of sleep, we are depriving ourselves of much of that vital REM sleep and processing time.

Sleep Deprivation

If we don’t sleep for long enough, we end up feeling irritable. We’re less able to concentrate on or remember things. And of course, we feel tired and may not have a particularly good day. You can see how repeating this day after day would add up.

It also means that we may still have emotions attached to events which can lead to problems down the road. For example, this is where phobias come from. Suppose something scary happens during the day, but it doesn’t get processed properly in REM sleep. Because the fear isn’t dealt with, it might surface in the future if the same or similar situation occurs again. Often, the first event happens in childhood but the fear persists into adulthood. For example, a fear of dogs may develop because a dog once barked in a child’s face when they were very small.

It doesn’t have to be a phobia though.

Sometimes, those unprocessed events, together with a sleep deficit, make us feel more negative. We’re less able to respond appropriately to the daily stressors that come our way. We may react angrily for example, when normally we would respond in a more measured way. Road rage, anyone?

Chronic sleep deprivation often means our levels of anxiety go up too and this can become cyclical. A lack of sleep brings on more feelings of anxiety, which in turn leads to deteriorating sleep patterns. For example, difficulty falling asleep, broken sleep, waking up too early or simply not feeling refreshed in the morning. 

The Good News!

The good news is, we can deal with the unprocessed events of life and sleep issues so that a good night’s sleep becomes possible again. Get in touch with me to find out how Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and I can help you sleep better!

For more information on sleep cycles, here’s a link: Stages of Sleep: What Happens in a Normal Sleep Cycle?

If you’d like a more detailed and scientific but readable look at sleep, here’s a link to neuroscientist Matthew Walker’s excellent book, Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker | Waterstones.

Welcome to 2026! January is whizzing by and the year stretches out in front of you. All the stress and excess of the holiday season are behind you. But what kind of year are you hoping for and looking forward to? Did you make New Year’s Resolutions? Or did you decide not to because they’re so hard to stick to?

Most people find it difficult to change unwanted habits such as going to bed too late, biting their nails or eating too much processed food. Or they say they’ll definitely start exercising and get fit this time. Obviously, it’s really hard to stop doing the unwanted behaviour and it’s equally hard to start a new, desired behaviour. Otherwise, we’d all be doing what we want to do and not doing what we don’t want to do.

But it’s not as easy as just deciding to change our behaviour, otherwise it would be easy. We tell ourselves we don’t have enough willpower when we discover, yet again, that we didn’t manage to stick to our New Year’s Resolutions for very long. We can then feel deflated and bad about ourselves. The January Blues is a real thing, but we don’t want to let it affect us. 

I’m reading a great book at the moment all about habits.  James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, talks in easy to understand terms about how habits are formed, how to create new, wanted habits and how to break unwanted habits, which you may find helpful.  Spoiler alert – it’s not about willpower!

From a Solution Focused point of view, it’s important not to dwell on that negativity and start feeling depressed. Instead, we need to remind ourselves daily about the good things in our life. We need to practise the 3 Ps: Positive Actions, Positive Interactions and Positive Thoughts. Every. Single. Day. 

Practising the 3 Ps is fundamental to remaining positive, or changing our thinking so we become a more positive person. We don’t want to get sucked into a downward spiral of negative thinking, which will only make us feel worse. The good news is that we can change the way our brain is wired. This means that we can actually become more of an optimist than a pessimist if we want to!

These are some of the things we talk about in our sessions together. Gradually, my clients find their outlook on life changes and they are able to cope so much better with day to day events. Just have a look at what some of them have said.

If you’re finding negative thinking is a problem for you, I encourage you to get in touch. Give me a call or fill in my Contact Form so we can have a chat. I can then explain more about how Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and I can help you too. 

“Why do we do all this rushing around for one day? It’s crazy!” I heard this in my local Tesco the other day and gave it some thought.  

Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, it’s the holiday season and Christmas Day is almost upon us.  Love it or hate it, it’s unavoidable for a good few weeks of the year.  We start seeing Christmas fare in the shops before Hallowe’en these days and this can bring on feelings of dread as well as excitement.

While many people love everything about it, it can also be a very stressful time.  Let’s face it, we often get together with family we might not otherwise see, send cards, buy, wrap and stash all the gifts, plan menus, buy and prepare loads of extra food, decorate the house and make sure it’s  presentable, ladies often want to get their hair and nails done specially, buy new clothes etc etc.

It’s a lot of extra effort and expense for one day and for many people, the original meaning of the day is not significant.  It’s more about being a family day, where everyone gathers to enjoy each other’s company, wear party hats, pull crackers, eat a festive meal, play games, watch TV and generally have a good time while trying not to get into any arguments with anyone.

And there’s the rub.  There’s such a lot going on before the big day that by the time it arrives, many folk are exhausted.  Stress levels are higher than usual due to all the extra demands on our time, and expectations are pretty high too.  Some of us want everything to be perfect and then get upset when things don’t go according to plan. Or difficult relatives can drive us mad but we don’t want to be rude to them. 

Really, it’s an unnatural situation that we may find uncomfortable and sometimes, that built up stress gets the better of us.  We may end up feeling resentful because we haven’t expressed how we feel at the appropriate time in an appropriate way and we may end up blowing our top. Then we feel guilty and ashamed afterwards, none of which is good for us, and it certainly spoils the enjoyment of the day for everyone.

So what can we do to try and avoid all this?  Here are some suggestions.

Me Time

Make sure you set aside some time, half an hour if you can manage it, every day for yourself.  We all need some time to decompress occasionally to figure out how we’re feeling and why, so maybe have a bubble bath, go for a walk, read a book or just relax in some way, away from the hubbub.  

What’s Gone Well?

Recognise all the things that you have already accomplished and that you are pleased with.  Focus on what’s been good, rather than what’s gone wrong (hopefully nothing, but you can always improvise if need be!)

It’s Good Enough

Acknowledge that if you can’t do it all, then that’s just how it is.  It may not be perfect or live up to everyone’s expectations, but it will still be fine!  It doesn’t mean lowering standards, just adapting how we think about things.

Be Kind to Yourself

People often underestimate how important it is to treat themselves well.  Some examples are:

• Make sure you’re getting enough sleep as this will help with your mood and energy levels the next day.
• Don’t scold yourself if you don’t manage to get it all done perfectly.  Be accepting and talk to yourself as you would to a friend (see It’s Good Enough!)  
• Eat well and stay hydrated – we want to avoid negative feelings so instead of eating and drinking too much rich food and drink, which you may later regret, eat well and drink plenty of water.  This will always stand you in good stead and help you feel your best when demands are high and energy levels may be low.

I once came across a post by someone who realised that instead of saying she deserved an extra slice of cake as a reward for all her hard work, she would tell herself that she deserved not to have it because she knew it wasn’t good for her and she valued herself too much to have it.  Instead, she rewarded herself with something else that wasn’t food.  I really liked how this lady thought about what she deserved and it stuck with me; maybe you’ll like it too.

I hope some of this is helpful this holiday season and that you have the best time with your loved ones.

If you find you’re facing more stress or anxiety than usual, get in touch to see how I can help you with solution focused hypnotherapy.  You’re also welcome to use my free relaxation audio any time to help calm things down.

 

It’s definitely that time of year again and autumn is well under way.  The days are so much shorter now the clocks have gone back and we in the UK are seeing fewer hours of daylight, never mind sunshine.  It’s colder, rainier and greyer than it was just a few short weeks ago and this will continue for several months.  The leaves are now dropping rapidly from the trees and it feels as if winter is fast approaching.

Along with the short days comes an increase in Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, which millions of people worldwide experience and most of them are women. Although we usually think of SAD affecting people in the northern hemisphere, it affects those furthest from the equator in the southern hemisphere too.

Perhaps surprisingly, some people find they experience SAD more during the summer months and feel better during the winter because it is, after all, a seasonal disorder, but most find their symptoms return during the autumn and ease up once spring arrives.

SAD is a form of depression with familiar symptoms, for example:

• feeling low
• not wanting to go out or see friends and family
• taking no, or little, pleasure in activities you would normally enjoy
• feeling lethargic and sleeping more
• comfort eating more often, especially carbohydrates
• difficulty concentrating
• low sex drive

So what can be done about it if you, a friend or family member is affected by SAD?  Well, we know that because vitamin D levels drop during the winter months due to the lack of sunlight, it’s important to boost our levels by taking a vitamin D supplement from around September or October until March or April.  Here are some more, Solution Focused, things you can do which will all help you feel better too:

• go outside as early as you can to get some daylight, even on cloudy days
• build into your daily routine some form of exercise, even walking (especially outside)
• make sure you’re seeing other people, even if it’s just for a walk or a coffee
• think about and plan activities that you enjoy so you have things to look forward to
• make sure you’re getting enough sleep, but not too much (7-9 hours is optimal for most people)
• get a light box

If you think you might benefit from some extra support this autumn and winter, start now by getting in touch for a free initial consultation and we’ll talk about how I can help you. 

 

Since October is ADHD Awareness Month, I thought I’d bring it to your attention (pardon the pun) and talk about adults with ADHD.

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD, seems to be in the news more and more these days. We hear that NHS waiting lists for a diagnosis can be several years long. More adults (especially women) are diagnosed with ADHD because we are more aware of what it really is.

Some people are more likely to have ADHD due to genetic reasons. As you grow up, your life experiences and environment may cause it to develop and become apparent. However, with time many children and adults with ADHD learn to adapt their behaviours to what society expects. We call this masking and it can be utterly exhausting.

While there’s no definitive gene responsible for ADHD, it does tend to run in families. And each person with ADHD experiences it slightly differently, so what I explore below doesn’t cover everything. Let’s take a quick look at what it might be like to be an adult with ADHD.

Symptoms of Adults with ADHD

I think it’s important to say that the name – Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder – can be misleading. As a woman diagnosed in her midlife, I can safely say that adults with ADHD don’t necessarily have a deficit, or shortage, of attention; more likely the issue is focusing that attention on the right thing, at the right time and for the right length of time!

While we sometimes have a hard time focusing on things when we need to, some of us can also hyper-focus when we’re really interested in something, like writing this blog post for example. Instead of doing other things that I needed to do, I literally spent hours writing, editing and perfecting it, so that it was “just right” (if that’s even possible). Even if it meant I forgot to have lunch! If this also sounds like perfectionism, you’re right, because that is also closely associated with ADHD. Unfortunately, even though we know we’re doing it, we just can’t stop because it’s like an itch that has to be scratched.

We used to think that ADHD mainly affected boys who just couldn’t sit still or even stay seated, stop fidgeting or calling out in the classroom. While this description was accurate in many cases, some girls also had ADHD; they just often didn’t behave in the same way as the boys and slipped through the net. They grew into women who struggled with life, sometimes in different ways from boys and men. This means that many adults are now looking for answers, validation, and sometimes, medication.

So it’s not about bad behaviour, it’s a developmental impairment of the brain’s executive function capabilities. But what does that even mean? It means that our brains developed differently from most other people’s brains. We call children and adults with ADHD neurodivergent, and the majority of people (without ADHD), neurotypical. It just means that some of the systems that make our brains work developed differently. Therefore, we have difficulty regulating attention, managing activity levels and emotions, and/or impulsivity.

Subtypes

There are actually three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive and combined. This means you can have ADHD with hyperactivity (mostly boys and men), without hyperactivity (mostly girls and women), or you could have a mix of both. Each person will have their own set of ADHD traits, so we’re all unique in our own special ways!

Hyperactive ADHD

The hyperactivity that some adults with ADHD experience may include restlessness and a feeling of having to move around a lot. They might fidget, get bored quickly, and engage in risk-taking behaviours. Or they may have racing thoughts a lot of the time or be noisy and talkative. They have so much to say and so many thoughts in their head, they just need to get it all out!

In addition, they may be impulsive and interrupt in the middle of a conversation because they just can’t wait their turn. They may not be able to help themselves from buying something random while out shopping, or making expensive purchases even if they can’t afford them.

Inattentive ADHD

However, inattentive ADHD looks quite different. It affects mainly, but not always, girls and women who may seem to be lost in thought much of the time. They could be thinking of all manner of interesting things. Or just all the things they haven’t managed to get done on their to-do list. If they’ve even made one. Sometimes though, they can become hyper-focused on one specific thing to the exclusion of everything else (see above), even if they have deadlines to meet or places to be, because they lose track of time and are, therefore, often late. We say they have time-blindness.

Adults with ADHD often find it difficult to follow instructions or pay attention to details. Or we may find it hard to concentrate on tasks because we are easily distracted.  We often have brain fog. We are often disorganised and lose or forget things. And very often, we have trouble getting started on tasks or procrastinate, which are not the same thing. We may walk into a room for something, but forget why or we may lose our train of thought mid-sentence. Clearly, these traits are not bad behaviour either, they are executive function impairments that cause great distress to those who experience them, including feelings of shame, self-doubt and imposter syndrome.

These are the people who, as children, received criticism and judgement, many, many more times than other children.  This was often from their parents, which led to low self-esteem and feelings of shame and inadequacy. Examples are, “Why can’t you just…?”, “Why did/don’t you…?”, “Why do you always/never…?” and so on. Or from teachers: “Sit down and be quiet!”, “Pay attention!” or “Get on with your work!”

Combined ADHD

Combined ADHD is a mix of both types, with different symptoms in differing degrees.

Living with ADHD

As previously mentioned, many adults with ADHD experience low self-esteem, and they can feel misunderstood and fatigued. In addition, they may experience sensory and sensitivity overload.  Therefore, some people with ADHD find noisy or crowded places just too much to bear.

Living with ADHD can be stressful for the individual concerned and their families too. Some people find all of these experiences and feelings lead to anxiety and depression, or are made worse by it. Therefore, many adults with ADHD are mistakenly diagnosed with anxiety. And this may be one reason why we are now seeing lots of late ADHD diagnoses.

RSD

Lastly, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD, is very common in adults with ADHD.  This is to do with how the brain processes emotion and regulates responses, which is a whole other topic! Briefly though, while not an official diagnosis, it’s when people have an extreme emotional response to what they think is criticism or rejection. People can even respond in this way when they’re paid a compliment. It can be extremely painful, creating unbearable feelings of sadness, anger, shame, worthlessness and more. Sadly, this can result in physical symptoms too, such as poor sleep and not being able to eat.

The Positives for Adults with ADHD

It’s not all bad though. Adults with ADHD can also be great problem solvers, creative and original thinkers. They can also have great intuition and empathy. There are many famous adults with ADHD, for example Michael Phelps, Jamie Oliver, Simone Biles, Tom Hanks, Lucy Bronze, Richard Branson, Tom Holland, Cat Burns – the list goes on!

It’s also very likely that Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci and Thomas Edison had ADHD. They displayed traits such as disorganisation, forgetfulness, procrastination and scattered interests, as well as being highly intelligent, energetic and creative.

Well, that was a lot, but if you found any of this useful and you’d like help managing your ADHD, click here to get in touch  and book a free consultation to see how Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and I can help you.

Disclaimer: Please note that I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone with ADHD and having one or more of the above-mentioned symptoms does not automatically mean you have ADHD! If you suspect you may have it, please do see your GP. The above information is based on my own observations and copious amounts of research. This website has lots of interesting, and I hope, useful, information for your perusal.